I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
