i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
