I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
