I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
