god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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