good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
