He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
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the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
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I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
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