I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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