ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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