I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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