sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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