I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
