I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I don't think brook has ever known best
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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