ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
