(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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