Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize