my phone needs a breathalizer
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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