So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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