dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Randomize
