i just had sex bonerless
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
