after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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