He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂