Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid