I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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