I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?