God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.