Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(843): View more from South Carolina

Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.

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(843): Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call. http://tfl.nu/3web

Replies (69) Good night (5483) Bad night (978)
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(650): View more from California

i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!

(408): View more from California

Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...

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(650): i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner! (408): Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland... http://tfl.nu/1sp2

Replies (41) Good night (3270) Bad night (667)
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(952): View more from Minnesota

True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.

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(952): True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you. http://tfl.nu/3inq

Replies (35) Good night (1334) Bad night (3198) Order T-Shirt
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(905): View more from Toronto

I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it

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(905): I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it http://tfl.nu/jng0

Replies (32) Good night (4252) Bad night (1844) Order T-Shirt
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(440): View more from Ohio

we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.

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(440): we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now. http://tfl.nu/0eqq

Replies (9) Good night (3501) Bad night (861) Order T-Shirt
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(803): View more from South Carolina

you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?

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(803): you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money? http://tfl.nu/t6x6

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(816): View more from Missouri

Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it

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(816): Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it http://tfl.nu/hlut

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(212): View more from New York

Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.

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(212): Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many. http://tfl.nu/dbug

Replies (25) Good night (1338) Bad night (3456) Order T-Shirt
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(314): View more from Missouri

My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married

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(314): My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married http://tfl.nu/9bud

Replies (11) Good night (643) Bad night (2074) Order T-Shirt
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(740): View more from Ohio

I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums

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(740): I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums http://tfl.nu/g3fl

Replies (4) Good night (1631) Bad night (594)
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(775): View more from Nevada

I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team

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(775): I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team http://tfl.nu/crbx

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(605): View more from South Dakota

I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..

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(605): I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us.. http://tfl.nu/2996

Replies (20) Good night (3284) Bad night (554)
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(250): View more from British Columbia

Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.

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(250): Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles. http://tfl.nu/jjec

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(563): View more from Iowa

He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.

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(563): He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name. http://tfl.nu/wgo9

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.

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(413): I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS. http://tfl.nu/290q

Replies (1) Good night (270) Bad night (649) Order T-Shirt

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