Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
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Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
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The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.