Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick