So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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