just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
