You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
operation harelip BJ is a go
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
