Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
