Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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