Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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