who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
