why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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