Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I did not marry a roomba.
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