I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
