On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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