He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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