went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
