Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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