ya dads aren't the best wingmen
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
