hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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