I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
