We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
