At least make sure they are 18
Why
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
