her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
