ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
