well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Don't make out with my wife yet
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
