She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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