Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
