Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
