You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
