Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Bring me that man meat
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
