the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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