Kiss
Puke
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
