why didn't you poke me back
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
