I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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