sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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