i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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