he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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