I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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