I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
