"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
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I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
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Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
All the doctor said was why
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize