And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
