i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize