she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
