last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
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you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
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Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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