Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
