shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
