Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
This is my life. Enjoy the view
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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