Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
