people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
