He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Randomize
