Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
pray to the hookup gods
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
