Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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