but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
