HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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