i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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