her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
