She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
