You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
