my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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