I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
