There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
