whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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