Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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