man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
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drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
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Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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