We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
