I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
