Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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