she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Randomize
