KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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